Just Kill Me Now

I have a sinus infection. NOOO!!! It sucks.

I haven't felt like doing anything and I couldn't even enjoy church this morning. All I want to do is go to bed, which is what I am about to do. The worst part is I can't miss work. I mean, I could, but I am not going to miss out on that money.

My eyes hurt, my head hurts, and I have like zero energy.

And that is why this blog is about to end.

What really sucks though, is when I am sick I get depressed. Everything that I dislike in my life comes to the front of my mind and that is all I can think about. And for some reason the list of things I dislike about my life is huge! And a few things I know I can change.

To name a few: I hate my weight. I, and you are going to call me conceited, honestly think I am a very pretty girl! Seriously. But I feel like my weight dumbs down my...beauty...and makes me look more like a plain Jane.

And I think my plain Jane look has something to do with me still being single. Though that could also be because I am picky or just have my heart set on a certain...idea. An idea that I know I should let go of. An idea that is killing me from the inside out. So, I need to squash the idea, somehow.

Then there is the fact that I have so much to do and don't do any of it. I use the excuse that working a full time job doesn't allow me the time to do much of anything. My mom said something to me today that made me really think. She said "Excuses are the devils work." Yeah, I believe in stuff like that. No, I am not one of these extremist that say God hates anything. My God loves everyone no matter what choices they make in life. And I do believe that when we try to go on the right path that the devil steps in our way. So I need to drop the excuses.

What have I learned today? I have a lot of issues I need to deal with. I need to do what I need to do, stop making excuses and stop holding on to ideas/dreams/wishes that will never come true. I just have to figure out how to do that and if I am ready for the pain that will follow. Mental and physical pain.

My first step: Going to the doctor and getting rid of this sinus infection!

Much Love
Heather