Wacky Wednesday: The Dragon

So, I'm sitting at work trying to stay awake and suddenly these two guys pass by and I hear something about a dragon.  I look straight at them with shock all over my face and they know I heard.  They shut up and quickly walk away.

Later two more guys walk by and say something about how they finally caught a dragon.  I'm like...what?  I turn to look at them through the window of my fishbowl and they do like the first two guys.  They shut up and quickly walk away.

Now I am curious so every person that walks by I listen really closely to see what else I can figure out.  But I get nothing.  As soon as the people start walking by my fishbowl they shut up and quicken their pace.

FRUSTRATION!

Someone who didn't know I was listening actually stopped in front of my cubicle while talking on the phone.  They say something about having the dragon in the cage. Now you know it's getting serious when they have caught a dragon.  Have you ever tried to catch a dragon? It's near impossible! It takes a lot of knowledge and skill, both of which I have plenty of.  I am just awesome. I could catch a dragon in my sleep....seriously.

Now that they have a dragon things are going to get worse for all the other creatures trapped in the plant. It just isn't fair and I have to find someway to set them free.  Do you know how hard it is when the very balance of the world comes down to me??

The other day I noticed their was a bird in the plant.  It was sitting up by one of the high windows.  It was just sitting there, watching people go by...until it noticed me.  I think I may have been found out.  If I hadn't been found out when the bird spotted me I am for sure found out now.  It's obvious when everyone stops talking around you.  And now that I think about all the conversations I have heard...it seems everyone is in on the secret.

All those years of being paranoid and I miss this one time when the whole plant knows who I am.  It doesn't matter.  As long as they keep me around for a few more months I will have those creatures free.

And I'm going to use the dragon to do it.

Much Love
Heather

Not Gonna Give Up!

I have been on a pretty steady schedule with working out for the past three weeks. Yeah, it's not a long time but seriously it is probably the longest I have ever kept to working out.  Well, on a regular basis.

I usually work out a few days a week, stop for a few weeks, work out for a whole week, take a month break...you follow?

But this time I have worked out 4-5 times a week. This will be the third week and you know what I have noticed?

Nothing....

My clothes are not fitting better and the scale says I am stuck at the same weight.  I drink more water, I think I have a healthier diet and up until this week I have had a pretty active schedule with no naps.

This week has been a different story with the whole nap thing. I am super tired!! I don't know why. I even went to sleep earlier last night and was even worse today than I was yesterday.  I could hardly keep my eyes open at work and when I came home I completely crashed.  I did get up for dinner and to work out so...*pat myself on the back.*

I have noticed the muscles in my legs are getting...bigger.  I have got some massive muscles in my legs!  I have always had major calf muscles, which is why I can't wear cute boots that come up to my knees unless I want to pay a fortune and get them special made.  My thighs have just been...fat.  Now they are major muscles too! My mom always told me I was strong as an ox when I was younger.  My legs have always been really strong and can take a lot of weight.  Which is why I am pretty sure that if I was ever attacked, the attackers first mistake would be throwing me to the ground.  You can't overpower my kick! But, please God, let's not test my theory.

I feel like my arms are a little less flabby.  Which is one of the things I hate the most! My arms. Ugh!  I feel like the old teacher that almost knocks herself out with her bat wings.  Though, my arms are not that bad and they seem to be getting better. I even have some muscle tone in my biceps.  Which all this is good and seriously the only thing keeping me on this venture to exercise.

I just want my clothes to start fitting better, the scale to say I have lost a few pounds and for the stomach fat to start disappearing.  Is that so much to ask for?

I keep wondering if maybe my diet really is not that great.  Maybe I really should start cutting down on calories.  But, do you ever worry that once you start doing that you will get obsessed and the whole weight loss thing takes over your life?  I don't think it has taken over my life yet. I don't want it too.

I don't want my happiness to revolve on a few pounds lost here and there. I just want to be healthy and have fun.  But it is kind of bumming me out that I am working so hard and seeing no results.  The only thing that I get for my hard work is sore muscles...which I actually enjoy, but I would so love to see some weight coming off.

*Sigh*

Anyone else having trouble losing weight?

Much Love
Heather

Do you Believe?

There is a youtube channel that I absolutely adore.  It is BlackBoxTV.  They make awesome videos thanks to the awesome director Tony.  I totally wish I could meet him and go on one of his adventures with him.  Of course, BlackBoxTV does, I guess you could say it's horror suspense.  Some videos will make you jump while others make you scratch you head and wonder where in the world this guys mind is. And I mean that as a compliment.  He is a genius.

The latest video on BlackBoxTV is about a hunted hospital where Tony and his crew go in and check it out.  They come across something that they can't explain and honestly, just watching the video you could feel the presence of evil in the hospital. Not just evil though, pain and confusion as well.  I don't know if I could ever walk into that hospital if someone paid me a million dollars to do so.  I have added the video here so that you can watch it.  I warn you though, if you are easily frightened, don't watch it.  If you are sensitive to the paranormal world, don't watch it.  Or do, it's up to you.

My question to you: Do you believe in ghost?

I do.  I always have.  I don't feel them around as much anymore.  I think it is mainly because I don't want to see them anymore.  It's sad really.  Ghost or spirits are souls that have been trapped on earth for some reason or another.  I think they are looking for someone to save them, to help them go beyond this world to where ever they are meant to be.  Not all are kind.  I don't think spirits can harm you, they can only scare you.

Though, I also believe in things beyond spirits.  I believe that the Linda Vista hospital does not just house spirits.  Yes, there are some angry spirits in that building and lost spirits.  There is also something far worse living there.  Demons. Poltergeist.  Things that can harm you.  Maybe if we were to leave haunted things alone these things would lose their power and their presence in the world would fade out.  But, I believe that might just be a fluffy dream.

Fear and anger draw in stronger things.  And when I spirit is lost and confused and full of anger and fear, it draws much stronger beings.  That is why haunted places can only get worse over time.  It is the non-believers that let it get so far out of control.

Linda Vista, the hospital that you see in the video has new plans.  It is going to be turned into an old folks home.  Crazy and stupid.  Because non-believers are out for more money.  The poor old people that are going to placed in that home are going to have a hard time.  They are going to draw more unwanted guest. They are going to make the ones that are already there, stronger.

I strongly believe in supernatural and paranormal stuff.  I believe that ignoring them could be a bad idea when it comes to places with strong forces already taking over.  I also thing that it is stupid for investigators to go in looking for this stuff.  Though, if given the chance I would totally join a team and go looking into these places.  Maybe just to confirm my own beliefs.  Maybe because deep down I think I could help them. Either way, if I had people going in with me, I would go in.

Honest thoughts and opinions are welcome. But don't dare tell me I am stupid for what I believe in, I don't have proof that I can show you.  I know what I have seen and felt and it is not something you forget.

Much Love
Heather

It is What You Want it to Be

I try not to let things annoy me...as of recently.  But there are still a few things that slip through my radar.  One just so happens to be people complaining about facebook, twitter, tumblr and what ever other social site there is now.

I know you have all heard the complaints about facebook changing to the timeline thing.  That's not what this is about.  People complain about how they don't know how to use twitter, still not the topic.  And tons of people complain about all the sharing going on in tumblr...that is where this topic sits.

To me, facebook, twitter and tumblr are places to express yourself freely.  They are places to share your deepest thoughts (that you dare to share with the world).  If you happen to have a deep thought every ten minutes then who is stopping you from updating your status or creating a new tweet.  (To be honest I don't use tumblr much.)

Personally, I update my facebook status a million times a day.  I am not the kind of person that updates with "I'm eating a sandwich." That is what twitter is for (in my opinion anyways.) I like to update with insightful things.  I like to update when I have a headache.  I like to update with what I am doing at the moment.  It is an endless stream of thoughts straight from Heather's brain!

People complain.  I was recently unfriended by a cousin because she was upset that I updated my status so much.  I can't help it! I love to live out loud (to a point).  I like to tell people what is on my mind.  Why?  I honestly don't know.  I wish more people would say what is on their mind.  Though, that usually results in a lot of complaints. But that is okay!  Because facebook is your own personal space (myspace anyone?) and you have the right to freedom of speech.  If you want to tell people how bad the bathroom smelled when you got done...do it! (I say that might be a bit to much information but if that is what you want, share it.)

These social websites were created to stay connected with people.  Humans have become super busy.  We have shows to watch, tons of work to do, exercise to avoid and homework to procrastinate.  We don't have time to go to a friends house and see what's up.  Some people have friends that live out of state and no one has time for phone calls anymore.  (Hopefully you have caught the sarcastic tone of this paragraph...) The point is, facebook and twitter, these are the places that I speak to everyone like I would if they were standing right in front of me.

If you don't like how often I update my status, hide my updates or unfriend me.  Don't complain in a status update that I know is directed towards me.  People need to learn to tell things to peoples face instead of making some random comment that isn't exactly directed to one person but is...did you get that?

I say, feel free to post what ever you want on facebook and twitter.  Post as often as you want!  But if you complain about someone, at least have the decency to talk to that person instead of putting it in such a round-about way.  And really, there is no reason to complain about how often someone post on facebook and twitter because that is what it is there for.

If you think other wise, feel free to share your thoughts with me. I would love to hear it.

Much Love
Heather

Letting Go of Everything

This post has been a long time coming.  I only realized the need to do it a few weeks ago though.  It took that long to really process everything.  I think it was this past Wednesday that I put the final pieces together.  Now, I have an idea of what I have been holding on to that has kept me back.

What has it kept me back from?  Being happy.  Being confident.  Being me in every possible way and letting people see me for who I really am.  No more gimmicks to get lame attention. No more covering myself up because I am afraid of what others will think.  It's time to hang out my laundry and let the wind take it away.

First things first.  I have had family members for years that have never made me feel welcome.  I know that things are said about me behind my back.  I know that they don't like me as much as they like others.  They have made me feel like an outcast, like I have done something to them and I am a horrible person.  Growing up, it just hurt.  I wanted that close relationship with my grandparents and I wanted my best friends to be my cousins.  But things didn't happen that way.  So, I felt worthless in their eyes.  Then, once I got past the pain of it I became angry.  I didn't hate them, but I hated how they treated me.  No matter what kind of anger or hate you have within you, it's not good.  It only hurts you more.

Second, grades third through seventh were hard on me.  In third grade I started a new school.  The kids at this new school were not very friendly to new kids.  Most of them had grown up together and didn't want someone new coming into their circle.  Few people did get through the circle, me, I wasn't fit (in their eyes) to break through.  I was picked on.  They made fun of my clothes, my weight, my glasses, my family.  They gave me evil looks when I had done nothing wrong.  I was a nice kid, really I was.  I was usually really good at making new friends.  But they were not having it.  I made a few friends, we were all outcast together.  It wasn't until I moved away that I realized that I only had one true friend in that school and she moved back to Colorado.  My other "friends" talked about me behind my back, told me lies, and pretty much hated me.  Still not sure why.

After leaving that school my confidence was crushed.  Not only had the school kids crushed me but family members were helping too.  I became depressed and found the darker things in life much more enjoyable.  I dreamed about death.  I remember thinking of ways to end it all.  I didn't want to deal with the pain that I was going through anymore.  I even remember crying to God some nights for him to let me come home.  I didn't want to be in this world anymore and I couldn't just kill myself.  So I prayed for God to kill me.

How crazy is that?  Though, that isn't even the craziest.  The craziest part of it all,  I didn't actually believe in God half the time.  I only believed in Him when it was convenient for me. I only believed in Him when I thought he would step in and help me.  He was trying to help me the whole time, I just didn't see it.

Happy ending though!  I got better.  In high school I made amazing friends that I still talk to today.  I was still depressed after high school but I slowly worked my way out of it.  Though, the past four months I have reached a new level of happiness that I never thought possible.  And I think this is an important moment for me in my journey to becoming closer to God.

See, for years I have kept all this anger and hate towards all these people.  I kept it in a jar on a shelf in my heart.  I let it grip and squeeze my heart.  I let it make me become a cruel person who didn't find much joy in anything.  And while I have found happiness this jar still pulls me down sometimes.

But not anymore.  Today I am letting it go.  I am cracking this jar open and letting the moths of hatred and anger free.  It is no longer going to drag me down and keep me from being what God planned for me to be.

Now, I know this is not going to be completely instant.  I know that these things will try to crawl back into my heart and hide in a dark corner.  But that is where prayer comes from.  That is where my trust in God will carry me home.

Forgiveness.

That is where the true healing lies.  I forgive my family for the hateful things they have said to me.  I forgive them for making me feel like I have done something wrong.  I forgive my old friends for only pretending to like me.  I forgive all the kids that used to tease me.

I also thank them all for it.  Because with out them I would not be as strong as I am today.  I have fought many battles in my life and when I look back, I realize that even in my weakest moments I was still strong.  When I thought about dying, I couldn't kill myself because I didn't really want to die.  When I prayed to God to let me die and let me come home to heaven I would cry and ask Him to forgive me for asking for such selfish things.  I never actually gave up because I have the soul of a fighter.  And with out the hardship of what I have been through I wouldn't know how strong I am.

Thank you for helping me see my true potential.  Thank you God for making me strong.  I have forgiven.  I have let it go.  I will not forget though.  Only because one day, I will share my hardships with other people so that they will know they are not the first and they are not alone and they can make it through too.  A goal in my life now is to help people see how strong they are.  I want them to see that what they think is a punishment from God is actually a blessing because He is showing you how strong you really are.

Remember the saying that everything happens for a reason.  God doesn't just throw us into a storm and watch us suffer for the heck of it.  He is the one that gives us the tools to make it out and there is always a lesson that will make us greater people.

Forgiveness.

That is where the true journey begins.

Much Love
Heather

Love the Good Dreams

As most of my friends know, I have been going to church for about five months now.  I love it so much, it is what keeps me going through the week, knowing that it's almost a church day.  I started off just going on Sundays.  Then I started going on Wednesdays and if I can make things work I will be spending time with church peeps on Saturday too.  They have an awesome program called Operation Go and I so badly want to get into it.  But I have to pace myself.  I am already signed up to be a greeter and to help with the children's ministry.  I want to bury myself in the church because I love it so much.

Last night, service was no different than usual.  The music got everyone pumped and we were ready to recieve the word.  And as usual, I left with a lot on my mind, a lot of things that I need to change.  But that is for tomorrow nights blog.  Tonight I tell you about the awesome dream I had!

In my dream me and my mom were still in church.  Everyone was still pumped and excited and filled to the brim with the holy spirit.  My mom and I decided that we wanted to sit a little closer so we moved up, like two rows in front of the preacher.  He saw us move and smiled, as if welcoming...like he was telling us that we had made the right choice.  Then he passes around this oil.  It wasn't normal oil though, but I'm not sure how to really explain it.  We were instructed to pour some into our bibles at a certain scripture and then rub some into our hands.  Then, I woke up.

Of course I lay in bed for a little bit trying to figure out what the dream meant.  I couldn't figure it out.  All I could decide at that moment was that God was telling me that I had found a home church.  I kind of already knew that but it was nice to get a confirmation.  My confirmation was the preacher in my dream smiling and welcoming us.  So, I crawled out of bed with this dream fresh in my mind and got ready for work.

I have this awesome app on my phone that sends verses from the bible.  I usually just wipe them away and don't read them.  This morning I felt like I needed to read them.  So I started reading all of them and came across the one that told me what my dream was about.

The verse was Psalm 45: 6-8 but it was the middle verse that got me.

Psalm 45:7
 You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness.  Therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness beyond your companions

I don't think I will ever forget this verse now.  I feel as though God was telling me that he is pouring joy into my life.  And I can feel it!  I have been in such an amazing mood today and I can not stop thanking God for all the wonderful things he has brought into my life.

So that is my dream and my take on the dream.  I feel restored, renewed, awakened, and ready to take on the world.  I am trying to step over that line that keeps me back from putting my everything into God's hands.  And tomorrow I will tell you about all the things I am letting go of to reach the next level in my faith.

Much Love
Heather

Wacky Wednesday: Sweet Tea

I have been sitting here for twenty minutes trying to figure out what to write. I am distraught because most of the time I already have Wacky Wednesday written before I even get to work. Here I am, almost bed time and I have nothing!  So I sit here, eating my pumpkin seeds (my tongue is raw from all the salt) and drinking my sweet tea trying to figure out what wacky things have happened recently.

Nothing really comes to mind! Though, I did meet one of the werewolves that work at the plant.  He gave himself away with his bushy face.  He was not happy.  Did you know that werewolves, when in their human form, have more hair on their face when they are mad?  I know what you are thinking "Heather, what if he just hasn't shaved in a while?"  I thought about that.  I am not amateur to this world that most people refuse to accept.  Shame on you for thinking I was. It was in the guys eyes.  Now, I wouldn't have known if he hadn't looked at me.  In his eyes you could see panic.  Then fear... then I saw a glimpse of pain.  He wants help getting away from the plant completely.  Just like all the other weres that I hear howling through the day.  The big boss man keeps trying to play it off as the machines needing oil or something. I know the truth.

I know I should find a way to help them out, but I can't seem to stay awake while at work.  I am pretty sure there is a witch working there.  She has cast a spell to make me super sleepy while I am there.  I think they have caught on to what I am really doing there.  Soon I will have to move on and find a new place to work.  But I have to save all the creatures first.  *sigh* But let's not focus on that right now.

I do have something odd that happened yesterday.  I found this AWESOME AMAZING band called Steam Powered Giraffe.  It's a band made of human robots!! They are amazing and the music is so old school/post apocalyptic. I only say that because I am pretty certain that the steampunk era that everyone is so obsessed with is actually our future, after the world ends, when ever that may be.

See the thing is, when the world ends, it won't really end!  We are going to live in a new steampunk era.  All the fun gadgets that are just props now will actually exist.  We will ride steam powered trains again.  Thing Wild Wild West with Will Smith.  THAT is the future!

Back to Steam Powered Giraffe...Here watch it

How amazing are they?? So original. Listen to the song again. Listen to their other songs. Love them!  You think they would help me free the creatures from the plant??

See, nothing weird.  But the fairies are playing in my hair and the goblin that I ate...accidentlly, last night is trying to make is way out by cutting into my intestines. That means it's bed time.

Much Love
Heather

Me is all I can Be

The thought started Sunday.  The preacher was talking about how we draw lines for ourselves. We compare ourselves to others and we strive for what someone else has. We always put a cap on where we want to go.

And it's so true. For so long I have looked at slim models and said "I want to look like that." Or even with my writing I always tell people how I want to be as famous as Stephen King! But after Sunday's service I have been thinking so much and reevaluating my goals in life.

I have decided that I don't want to be as famous as Stephen King, I want to be bigger! But I don't want to just be famous, I want to be an inspiration to anyone that wants to give up on their dreams. I want to go to high schools and speak to the teenagers and tell them how much they have to look forward too and how, no matter how small, an accomplishment should be celebrated. I think that my writing will get me to that point one day.  I just want to inspire young people and even older people to fight for their dreams, cause that is what I am doing right now. I am fighting for what I want and what I believe I am best at.

I have also decided that I will stop looking at these models and comparing my body to theirs. For one...lets face it, I don't have the bone structure of a model. I will NEVER have the curves that a model has. Mine will be fuller and probably sexier. (Ego trip!) I have muscle that will probably never go away unless I get it removed, can they do that? I have been overweight most of my life but I have always had killer muscle (under the fat) and it's not going any where.  My bones are what you would call Amazon.  They are bigger than most females. I have broad shoulders and wide hips.  That isn't going away because you kind of can't really change bone structure.  Sad thing is, I didn't get the height that usually comes with the Amazon bone structure. Dangit! And let us not forget Photoshop. Half of the slim perfect bodies we see on t.v. and in magazines now days have been touched up. A tuck here, a nip there, add a glimmer there. It's all about the special effects and no longer about the natural beauty.

I am me. And that is all I can be. It is all God expects me to be.  I have to shoot for my own goals, unique goals.  I have to stop comparing myself to people that I may never be like, simply because it is not in the cards for me.

I just have to work at being the best me I can be. I give it my all, fight as hard as I can, and push through all the obstacles that stand in my way.

As of now, I have two goals. 1) get fit, healthy, active. 2) Keep moving forward on my writing.

I say, the world needs to stop comparing themselves to one another.  That is only going to lead to us becoming discouraged, depressed, sad, angry and finally giving up on something we thought we really wanted. Let us strive to be the best us we can be.  I do me and you do you.  Who cares what the world is doing, focus on what you are doing.

You is all you can be.

Me is all I can be.

Oh, and we should be having fun, that is how you know you're doing it right. :)

Much Love
Heather

Living by the Bra

Wow...it has been a while since I blogged last. Things got a little crazy with publishing the book and other issues that have been on my mind. I did a lot of writing in my journal because there are just somethings you can't say out loud. Sorry for the MIA, I'm going to try and get better!

So...living by the bra. I'm sure any guy reading this is going to be like "WTH!?" And maybe the chicks are thinking it too. But just hear me out.

I have recently got back into working out on a regular basis. Yeah...it has only been one week but I don't plan on stopping this time. After this first week I noticed something, I pretty much live by what bra I wear. I will change bras at least three times a day.

Crazy right?

First thing in the morning I put on the fancy, daily, not so supportive or comfortable bra. Don't worry, I won't bore you with the colors. It's what holds the girls in for the day though. Just enough support to not look like a hooker walking down the street but so not enough to keep the things still while jumping around and working out.

After work I do a quick change into the sports bra. This is the one that presses me almost flat...kind of. And keeps me safe when jumping around. Have you ever gone to a gym and watched a woman work out. Guys, I am sure you have done this plenty of times. Ladies, face it, you have too! Guys for the simple fact that you think you are getting some kind of free show...disgusting, but if the girl is going to do it...why not get a free show right? And ladies, we watch because 1, we think that woman is just looking for attention or 2, you wish your boobs looked as awesome as hers. Ha! Don't lie to yourself.

The point is, the fancy little sports bra may make it hard to breath when I first put it on because my boobs are being pushed into my lungs, but once I get used to it, it's time to work out!

Then, after a cool down and the sweat stops dripping down my face it's time to put on my pajamas. Which, consist of the failed sports bra. The bra that even though it says sports bra, if the boobs are big enough you are still going to give yourself a black eye when you start doing those jumping jacks. Though, for sleep wear it is rather comfortable. Just enough support to where you don't feel constricted and your boobs don't flop around while you sleep.

Now, I know that this is just way to much information for some guys to take in, but ladies, you know what I'm talking about! Especially for us women that were...blessed...or cursed, depending on the days activities.

So, living by the bra...yeah. I do what ever the bra tells me to do. Look cute and sassy and pirky (go on, laugh, I know you want to). Look sweaty, constricted and flat chested (and possibly a little or a lot uncomfortable). Or loose, comfortable and ready for bed. It all depends on the bra.

Much Love
Heather