No Drinking

I caught about 5 seconds of the news the other day, I honestly hate the news so that was all I could stand. They were talking about how many kids have at least one alcoholic parent. I don't remember the statistics but it was way more than it should be. I know of a few kids that have alcoholic parents and it is really sad. And let us not forget the parents that are addicted to drugs of any sort.

I was very fortunate to have great parents. They had fun when they were younger and they will admit to experimenting with drugs and getting drunk before they were old enough to drink. When I came into the picture, my parents cleaned up their act. They still drank every once in a while, but they were responsible about it. Then, they stopped all together. I can not remember ever having alcohol in the house except when my mom would get a wine cooler once in a blue moon. 

Just last year I tried my first alcoholic beverage. I was 25 and had never touched the stuff before. I tried it out of curiosity and guess what, I don't like it. I tried a few things and I just can not stand the taste of alcohol. People have told me that the taste grows on you. To me, that makes no sense what so ever. If you don't like it, why continue to drink it? I thought about trying more drinks to see if there is anything that I like, but really, what is the point? I don't need the alcohol. It's bad for you and it usually does nothing but cause problems. And I can dance on tables perfectly fine without being drunk. 

After catching the news the other day I decided that I would never touch another alcoholic beverage. I don't need it. I also decided something that I feel will make things harder for me in the sense of finding a boyfriend. I have decided that I will not date, entertain, or marry a guy that drinks. If I can live with out it (and it's not hard) then my "soul mate", "true love" or what ever, can live without it too. I don't even care if they USED to drink. If he gave it up, I would be cool with it. 

I live on a natural high. I get drunk off the energy around me. I am just a fun bubbly person and it doesn't take much or long for me to get loud and a little wild. I don't need to be drunk to get out on the dance floor. I don't need to be drunk or have a buzz to shoot pool (my best friend says she shoots better with a buzz. lol). I don't need to drink to have fun. Fun is my personality! Why would I ruin that with drinking? Also, I like to remember what I did in the morning, because what is fun about forgetting what was so fun?

I know this will make my search for my "perfect for me" guy, but I am willing to search for the right one. I don't want my kids to grow up in a home where alcohol is available and I surely don't want them to join the statistics of kids with alcoholic parents.  We all have our standards and I am putting my foot down on this one. I will keep my natural high and my buzz from excitement. It's healthier.

Much Love,

Heather

P.S. Before you bash me here me out. I am not dissing or hatting on people that do drink. If you like it, you like it. I will not judge you for drinking. Just don't come around me drunk because that is a quick way to lose my respect for you.

Left Behind

I have been doing way to much thinking lately! And somethings...I can't share with anyone cause I just don't think anyone would truly understand. But this came up today. Being left behind.

It seems that all my friends from high school have moved on to a new chapter in their life. Getting married, having kids, buying homes. And I feel like I am stuck in the same place I have always been.

Okay, not really in the same place. I'm just moving a lot slower than all my friends and it kind of sucks. I was never the party girl so I didn't party with the rest of them. I didn't have a ton of boyfriends...or any for that matter. I stayed in the shadows and watched as life passed me by. I am the watcher.

I watch people create amazing lives. I watch people fall in love. I watch people raise kids. I sit in the side lines wondering if I will ever have any of that. I feel like a ghost. I can look but can't touch. I see it all. And you know, I get super jealous of my friends.

I have an awesome career on track. I am working towards financial freedom. I pay my bills on time and I enjoy laughing, which I do often. So...why do I feel so left behind, left in the dark, brushed under the carpet, invisible?

I feel like no one sees me and no one really knows me. And I am sure that's true just because I stopped expressing my feelings a long time ago. I laugh and I get angry. When I am upset I get quiet but I won't tell you what is really bothering me. And I guess that makes it my own fault that I am just a spirit drifting through life. Just doing what I have to do to get it over with.

I keep waiting for something amazing to happen like it does in the movies. It's what I am best at, dreaming. I keep waiting for my music to play and everything in life to just fall into place. I feel like I am on one of those old time torture machines that stretches people. I'm trying to hold on to the past and reaching for the future at the same time. While the past should be remembered, sometimes you just have to let go. I am a pack rat. I don't want to let go of anything. I'm afraid that if I let go I will lose who I am. I like who I am. Or maybe I am just afraid of others not liking me.

I'm falling apart. Torn from limb to limb. Trying to figure out where it is I belong in this world. And when I find my place will it be too late?

To my dear friends that may read this, I am proud of you all. I am proud to sit back and watch you thrive in life and do the things you have always dreamed of doing. And sometimes I am happy just being able to see you have wonderful lives. And sometimes I just wish I could be as strong and determined as you.

Much Love
Heather