I just need to rant

Yeah, you should have known it would come soon. Why? Because Heather likes to rant, and I haven't posted anything in almost a week.

Before I say anything I would like to say that I love my friends! Know that, because I am sure you are going to question it after this rant.

So here has what's been bugging me lately.

I am stuck at home just about every weekend. Here lately I have been going out here and there and I have a blast! I love hanging out with friends. I love acting stupid. I love being around people that understand me.

What I don't love is having to ask people to hang out! It has been a while since I had a friend call or text me and say "hey, wanna hang out?" My best friend will ask me to come over to her house, but she has kids...so I guess that is a good excuse. When she is going to go out though she will ask if I want to go. But really that is it.

Most of my other friends will wait for me to call or text them. And then I usually get shot down becuase they already have plans. Just once I want to be bored out of my mind and a friend say "Hey, lets go out!"

I wonder if maybe because I don't drink they don't think I will be any fun? But listen up people! I am awesome and wild! I don't need alcohol to dance on tables or to get out on the dance floor. I won't leave you because I spotted some hot guy that I want to chat up. I won't see other friends and ditch you for them, I may ask them to join us but I will never leave a friend behind.

And best of all, I won't get drunk and forget the awesome time we had the night before. And if I go somewhere with you, you better believe I will be leaving with you.

So I really don't get why my friends don't come to me more often to hang out. I am free most weekends. I even post on facebook all the time if I have plans or not. And then I see all my friends hanging out together having a good time, all while I am sitting at home.

I sometimes wish I lived closer to my friends that I only get to talk to online or on the phone. I bet they would want to hang out every weekend and do stupid stuff that doesn't cost a dime and is just straight up clean fun. Maybe that is the problem. Maybe it's because I still have fun like a little kid. I like to dance in random spots, laugh at silly things, and act like I am a teenager. Is that why my friends don't want to hang out with me? Because I act so much like a kid?

Much Love
Heather

Romeo and Juliet

I know how the story goes. I know that Romeo and Juliet do something terribly stupid and kill themselves because they can't be together. A tragic love story that just makes me angry really. 

Today I wondered though, did they find each other in heaven. Or are they forced to yearn for the one they love for all of eternity. Lovers torn apart for all of eternity. What it boils down to is I have always been told that people who commit suicide go straight to hell. So, since Romeo and Juliet both killed themselves they went to hell right? I think that idea is more tragic than the secret romance they shared in their lives.

On a serious note though, I want to express my opinion on suicide. Again I say, go watch the movie "What Dreams May Come." I don't know why but that movie makes more sense to me than anything I have ever read, heard, or seen. 

As I stated, I was raised being told that people who commit suicide go straight to hell. Now, in "What Dreams May Come" the mother kills herself and becomes a lost soul in hell. Each person has their own kind of hell, just like they all have their own kind of heaven. I actually find this more acceptable than the idea that people just burn in hell for their sins. 

What I wonder about most though are the young kids that commit suicide. By young I am including teenagers in this...and I totally just made myself feel old calling teenagers kids! There are so many teen suicides now days! As the suicide statistics go up the ages seem to go down too! These poor kids are being beaten by parents and other kids, both physically and mentally. Life gets so bad for them that all they can think is how bad they want out. Saddly, for some, they think that the only way out is through suicide. 

It breaks my heart! I want to reach out to every child and teenager that thinks of killing themselves. I want to hug each one and tell them that they are loved! And this is coming from someone that doesn't really like touching people or telling someone I love them! I sit back and read the stories as they scroll across our screens. With each suicide and suicide attempt I feel like I lose another piece of my heart. 

Where are their parents and friends? Why are schools looking the other way as the "geek" gets pushed around? Why are parental guardians ignoring their childrens cries for help? And why are parents adding to the heart break a kid has to go through?

I just heard a story the other day about a 10 year old girl who got off the bus just so her mom could yell at her. She told the girl how big of a mistake she was and how she should have never been born. Why in the world would you tell such a precious child that? 

I think parents are forgetting what a blessing their children are. And I think with the loss of that comes a loss of human decency. Which is why more kids are being picked on now. Have you seen how bad the bullying has become in the schools? 

To any parent that may read this, pay attention to your kids, they are more than likely begging for your attention. To any lost teenagers that may be reading this, I don't know you, but I care. We have to start taking care of one another. We have to stop this horrible problem. We have to pay more attention and we have to listen for the cries for help. 

As for the kids, teenagers, and even adults that have committed suicide, I pray that there is some mercy in death for you. I know life can get hard and some people just can't deal because they don't know where to go to find the strength. For the kids, teenagers, and adults that have attempted or even thought about it, find help before you do something that can not be undone. 

Life is to precious to give away.


Much Love,
Heather

Throw a Tantrum

It doesn't matter how this came up or why my mind went there. All that matters is that it's a good idea! 

I will be nice and explain how it came about though. One of my cousins felt like she was going to have a panic attack. I so know what that is like as do a lot of other people. She mentioned something about sitting in the floor and throwing a tantrum like a 3 year old. 

Now, I throw tantrums already. No lie. I get tired and cranky and I will just tantrum out. Usually it's late at night and I realize I forgot to feed the cats. Stupid cats. Not really, I love my kitties. 

Thinking about how I usually feel better after my childish tantrums struck an idea! The British have tea time, the Islamic (is that right?) has prayer time everyday. America, we are one messed up country. The only thing to do in our situation is to have a tantrum. I'm thinking about every day at 5pm for about 15 minutes we should all just tantrum out! We should fall to the floor and pound our fist into it, kick our feet and scream. We should just up and down and fling our arms everywhere and scream at the top of our lungs. 

Could you imagine that stress relief? Also, with lower stress levels couldn't that lower crime rates too? Most people do crimes because they are angry or stressed. Yeah, some people are just stupid but let's focus on the ones who have just had it with the world. Poor people steal. Angry people fight. Being poor = stress. Angry = stress. Let's get rid of any emotion that is not happiness. Everything else just equals stress. 

How do you relieve stress? THROW A TANTRUM! Adults have more of a right to it than kids.

Go on, give it a try. You and I both know you want to.

Much Love,

Heather

No Drinking

I caught about 5 seconds of the news the other day, I honestly hate the news so that was all I could stand. They were talking about how many kids have at least one alcoholic parent. I don't remember the statistics but it was way more than it should be. I know of a few kids that have alcoholic parents and it is really sad. And let us not forget the parents that are addicted to drugs of any sort.

I was very fortunate to have great parents. They had fun when they were younger and they will admit to experimenting with drugs and getting drunk before they were old enough to drink. When I came into the picture, my parents cleaned up their act. They still drank every once in a while, but they were responsible about it. Then, they stopped all together. I can not remember ever having alcohol in the house except when my mom would get a wine cooler once in a blue moon. 

Just last year I tried my first alcoholic beverage. I was 25 and had never touched the stuff before. I tried it out of curiosity and guess what, I don't like it. I tried a few things and I just can not stand the taste of alcohol. People have told me that the taste grows on you. To me, that makes no sense what so ever. If you don't like it, why continue to drink it? I thought about trying more drinks to see if there is anything that I like, but really, what is the point? I don't need the alcohol. It's bad for you and it usually does nothing but cause problems. And I can dance on tables perfectly fine without being drunk. 

After catching the news the other day I decided that I would never touch another alcoholic beverage. I don't need it. I also decided something that I feel will make things harder for me in the sense of finding a boyfriend. I have decided that I will not date, entertain, or marry a guy that drinks. If I can live with out it (and it's not hard) then my "soul mate", "true love" or what ever, can live without it too. I don't even care if they USED to drink. If he gave it up, I would be cool with it. 

I live on a natural high. I get drunk off the energy around me. I am just a fun bubbly person and it doesn't take much or long for me to get loud and a little wild. I don't need to be drunk to get out on the dance floor. I don't need to be drunk or have a buzz to shoot pool (my best friend says she shoots better with a buzz. lol). I don't need to drink to have fun. Fun is my personality! Why would I ruin that with drinking? Also, I like to remember what I did in the morning, because what is fun about forgetting what was so fun?

I know this will make my search for my "perfect for me" guy, but I am willing to search for the right one. I don't want my kids to grow up in a home where alcohol is available and I surely don't want them to join the statistics of kids with alcoholic parents.  We all have our standards and I am putting my foot down on this one. I will keep my natural high and my buzz from excitement. It's healthier.

Much Love,

Heather

P.S. Before you bash me here me out. I am not dissing or hatting on people that do drink. If you like it, you like it. I will not judge you for drinking. Just don't come around me drunk because that is a quick way to lose my respect for you.

Left Behind

I have been doing way to much thinking lately! And somethings...I can't share with anyone cause I just don't think anyone would truly understand. But this came up today. Being left behind.

It seems that all my friends from high school have moved on to a new chapter in their life. Getting married, having kids, buying homes. And I feel like I am stuck in the same place I have always been.

Okay, not really in the same place. I'm just moving a lot slower than all my friends and it kind of sucks. I was never the party girl so I didn't party with the rest of them. I didn't have a ton of boyfriends...or any for that matter. I stayed in the shadows and watched as life passed me by. I am the watcher.

I watch people create amazing lives. I watch people fall in love. I watch people raise kids. I sit in the side lines wondering if I will ever have any of that. I feel like a ghost. I can look but can't touch. I see it all. And you know, I get super jealous of my friends.

I have an awesome career on track. I am working towards financial freedom. I pay my bills on time and I enjoy laughing, which I do often. So...why do I feel so left behind, left in the dark, brushed under the carpet, invisible?

I feel like no one sees me and no one really knows me. And I am sure that's true just because I stopped expressing my feelings a long time ago. I laugh and I get angry. When I am upset I get quiet but I won't tell you what is really bothering me. And I guess that makes it my own fault that I am just a spirit drifting through life. Just doing what I have to do to get it over with.

I keep waiting for something amazing to happen like it does in the movies. It's what I am best at, dreaming. I keep waiting for my music to play and everything in life to just fall into place. I feel like I am on one of those old time torture machines that stretches people. I'm trying to hold on to the past and reaching for the future at the same time. While the past should be remembered, sometimes you just have to let go. I am a pack rat. I don't want to let go of anything. I'm afraid that if I let go I will lose who I am. I like who I am. Or maybe I am just afraid of others not liking me.

I'm falling apart. Torn from limb to limb. Trying to figure out where it is I belong in this world. And when I find my place will it be too late?

To my dear friends that may read this, I am proud of you all. I am proud to sit back and watch you thrive in life and do the things you have always dreamed of doing. And sometimes I am happy just being able to see you have wonderful lives. And sometimes I just wish I could be as strong and determined as you.

Much Love
Heather

The World Today

Sometimes I am grateful that I don't have kids yet. I love kids. I love their innocent minds and how they energy to spare. Kids are great! But they are doomed. Saddly, doomed.

Why?

Have you seen the world today? Have you been paying attention to the news? Have you seen the latest and greatest electronics?

People are sue happy. A lady is suing a dead teenager who died because he was hit by a train. The lady is suing his estate because one of his flying limbs broke her leg and arm, or something to that degree.

People have become blinded by "religion." I actually call it a cult. You know, the churches that protest the funerals of fallen Soldiers. Yeah, you are not a church! You are a cult! They hold signs saying that God hates gay people. The only God I know of is kind, loving, and forgiving. My God holds no hate for anything or anyone. And if you don't believe in God, that's okay, we have the freedom to believe what we want and I do not look down on you for your different views. But the churches that protest funerals and bash the LGBT community will tell you that you are horrible and going to hell. But, I guess it doesn't matter to you anyways since you don't believe. They still believe that they are hurting you by calling you out.

People have become obsessed with virtual reality. How many people on your facebook friends list do you actually know? Did you meet your boyfriend online? Are all of your friends online buddies you have never met? What happened to the good old fashioned way of doing things? Now, don't get me wrong, I have some really great friends that I met online and I would not trade them for anything. But my life does not revolve around the internet world.

People have become obsessed with games! My brother will sit in his room for hours on end playing games and talking to his game buddies. I think games are fun, great, entertaining, but they should not be your only source of entertainment. You have to get out and moving and hang out with people you can look in the eyes. People you can touch. People are are not just another screen name on your contacts list.

And finally, people are getting fat. I am guilty of this myself. I have my lazy moments and I eat unhealthy foods. But how can I not when the foods are so easily accessible. If I get hungry and only have a few bucks, I just pull up to any fast food joint and order off the dollar menu. I can't get a healthy meal off a few bucks. Which is sad and partly the governments fault. Partly my fault as well. For one, I should not be out and about with out a nice healthy snack tagging along with me. If you prepare stuff in advance you will have something healthy.

I know, I should take my own advice.

My point is, if this is the world today, what is the world going to be like tomorrow? Or next week? Or 10 years from now? What kind of world will I bring my children into when I do have kids?

Have you ever seen the movie Wall-E? I think that may be where the world is truly heading and it's a tad bit scary.

Much Love,
Heather