Wear a Sign!

I think everyone should walk around wearing signs. Signs that are like the whole facebook thing. "single" "In a relationship" "married" "engaged" "it's complicated". You know how much easier things would be? They should wear them over their heads like the plumbob over a sims head!

Sorry for the poor graphic...I didn't feel like doing any better. You're lucky you got that!

So anyways, it would be easier if it was just out there in plain sight. People don't always wear their wedding/engagement rings. And how are you supposed to know if someone is in a relationship? We need signs! Sure, I can stalk a guy all I want and find him on facebook...find out if he has a girlfriend or not. But really, my stalking skills have only worked on one person, all the other guys just think I'm creepy and block me.

That means, stalking is out of the question. Sadness. I am going to send a letter to the president about how we all need to wear signs! It is only common sense. I mean...what if the cute guy at Walmart has a girlfriend? Flirting with him can get me in trouble. I don't know about you but I don't want to have to beat a skank down.  And what about the really hot guys with the long hair that I pass most mornings going to work? What if they are married or have a girlfriend. It's just dangerous to flirt now days!

We should all wear signs. We need signs! Or just walk around blurting out if you are single or not.

Much Love
Heather

Left Behind

I have been doing way to much thinking lately! And somethings...I can't share with anyone cause I just don't think anyone would truly understand. But this came up today. Being left behind.

It seems that all my friends from high school have moved on to a new chapter in their life. Getting married, having kids, buying homes. And I feel like I am stuck in the same place I have always been.

Okay, not really in the same place. I'm just moving a lot slower than all my friends and it kind of sucks. I was never the party girl so I didn't party with the rest of them. I didn't have a ton of boyfriends...or any for that matter. I stayed in the shadows and watched as life passed me by. I am the watcher.

I watch people create amazing lives. I watch people fall in love. I watch people raise kids. I sit in the side lines wondering if I will ever have any of that. I feel like a ghost. I can look but can't touch. I see it all. And you know, I get super jealous of my friends.

I have an awesome career on track. I am working towards financial freedom. I pay my bills on time and I enjoy laughing, which I do often. So...why do I feel so left behind, left in the dark, brushed under the carpet, invisible?

I feel like no one sees me and no one really knows me. And I am sure that's true just because I stopped expressing my feelings a long time ago. I laugh and I get angry. When I am upset I get quiet but I won't tell you what is really bothering me. And I guess that makes it my own fault that I am just a spirit drifting through life. Just doing what I have to do to get it over with.

I keep waiting for something amazing to happen like it does in the movies. It's what I am best at, dreaming. I keep waiting for my music to play and everything in life to just fall into place. I feel like I am on one of those old time torture machines that stretches people. I'm trying to hold on to the past and reaching for the future at the same time. While the past should be remembered, sometimes you just have to let go. I am a pack rat. I don't want to let go of anything. I'm afraid that if I let go I will lose who I am. I like who I am. Or maybe I am just afraid of others not liking me.

I'm falling apart. Torn from limb to limb. Trying to figure out where it is I belong in this world. And when I find my place will it be too late?

To my dear friends that may read this, I am proud of you all. I am proud to sit back and watch you thrive in life and do the things you have always dreamed of doing. And sometimes I am happy just being able to see you have wonderful lives. And sometimes I just wish I could be as strong and determined as you.

Much Love
Heather

Just Kill Me Now

I have a sinus infection. NOOO!!! It sucks.

I haven't felt like doing anything and I couldn't even enjoy church this morning. All I want to do is go to bed, which is what I am about to do. The worst part is I can't miss work. I mean, I could, but I am not going to miss out on that money.

My eyes hurt, my head hurts, and I have like zero energy.

And that is why this blog is about to end.

What really sucks though, is when I am sick I get depressed. Everything that I dislike in my life comes to the front of my mind and that is all I can think about. And for some reason the list of things I dislike about my life is huge! And a few things I know I can change.

To name a few: I hate my weight. I, and you are going to call me conceited, honestly think I am a very pretty girl! Seriously. But I feel like my weight dumbs down my...beauty...and makes me look more like a plain Jane.

And I think my plain Jane look has something to do with me still being single. Though that could also be because I am picky or just have my heart set on a certain...idea. An idea that I know I should let go of. An idea that is killing me from the inside out. So, I need to squash the idea, somehow.

Then there is the fact that I have so much to do and don't do any of it. I use the excuse that working a full time job doesn't allow me the time to do much of anything. My mom said something to me today that made me really think. She said "Excuses are the devils work." Yeah, I believe in stuff like that. No, I am not one of these extremist that say God hates anything. My God loves everyone no matter what choices they make in life. And I do believe that when we try to go on the right path that the devil steps in our way. So I need to drop the excuses.

What have I learned today? I have a lot of issues I need to deal with. I need to do what I need to do, stop making excuses and stop holding on to ideas/dreams/wishes that will never come true. I just have to figure out how to do that and if I am ready for the pain that will follow. Mental and physical pain.

My first step: Going to the doctor and getting rid of this sinus infection!

Much Love
Heather

Rain, Rain, Go away!

It has been raining like crazy here lately. It's borderline ridiculous now. I am so sick of it. It sucks trying to drive in mornings when it rains. I already have trouble driving in the dark, the headlights from oncoming cars make it super hard to see the road! And when it rains, it makes it even worse.

I haven't been able to play with my dog cause it's raining and all muddy. Yeah, bad excuse not to play with Sparty, but...I will use it for now.

The point is, I want the rain to stop! I would love to see some snow this year. Just one snow. A light snow. I want it to start on a Friday after work, snow all day Saturday and clear up by Monday so I don't miss work. Perfect. I only look for one snow a year. We haven't even had ice this year and we usually get a fair amount of ice!

Dear weather,

Stop being so bipolar! It's Winter, give me cold snow! And it should be cold until at least...March! One day it's super cold, the next day it's warm. Why are you so moody?

Sincerly,
Me

With that I say farewell, until...maybe tomorrow. It is Friday tomorrow after all. So, have a wonderful Friday!

Much Love
Heather

The world in a frame

My eyes! They hurt, which in turn causes my head to hurt.

Sunday night I noticed that my left eye was a little red. I was going to take my contacts out but I forgot. Yeah, I forget things really quickly. Once again, another night, like most nights, I slept with my contacts in. They are meant to be slept in, don't freak. The next morning, Monday, I woke up with my eye feeling weird and hurting. I look in the mirror and BAM!

Red burning eye! my first thought "Please don't be pink eye!" I actually googled pink eye. Gotta love Google! Luckily it wasn't pink eye. The bad news is I didn't have safety goggles to wear over my glasses and...I kind of have to have that or get in trouble. I don't know what getting in trouble really means where I work, so I stay out of trouble. Meaning, I popped in a new pair of contacts, hoping that would help, and headed to work with my glasses and contact solution in my bag.

At lunch my eye was getting worse so I got the big bulky safety glasses and took my contacts out and wore glasses the rest of the day.

This morning I woke up thinking that I could wear my contacts now. My eye had plenty of time to clear up and be better. But I was wrong, of course. Off to work I went, with my glasses sitting on my nose.

My eye is still red and I am really  hoping it is better by tomorrow so I can wear my contacts again. My head hurts from my eyes bothering me and my glasses sitting on my nose and behind my ears. Who knew that glasses were such a pain?! Not only that, but when I look up I have to move my head up so I keep the world in the frame.

The world in a frame.

Wish me luck!

Much Love
Heather

Hoarders

I am addicted to the show Hoarders. I am also disgusted by it. Though, more disgusted with Hoarders: Buried Alive.

I feel sorry for most of these people. They have such mental issues that they can't let anything go. I admit, I have a few things that I just can not let go of. There are two things I will share with you right now. And this is just a tad bit embarrassing but...it is time that the world knows.

My two most prized possessions have no value to anyone but me. They have a story behind each and the story still goes on. So...without further adieu meet Teresa and...blankie

First, Teresa was given to me by an old babysitter who I adored! She was probably the best babysitter anyone could ask for. Funny, her name was Teresa. The doll was made for her when she was younger so the back of the dolls neck has the name Teresa. Sure,  I could have come up with a more creative name when I was younger but why would I do that?

Then there is blankie. I have had this blanket since the day I was born. It was given to me by my grandma on my moms side. When I first got it...it was pink. lol Now, it kind of looks dirty but no amount of washing it will make it look cleaner. It used to have silk around the edges that I would rub and eventually rubbed most of it off. There are still spots...okay A spot that has the silk. I could never let it go. If there was a fire, the first thing I would save is this blanket. My grandma gave it to me. She died when I was four. In a way, I feel closer to her through the blanket and I know how weird that may sound. I will even admit, when I get really stressed and just don't know what to do, I will sleep with my blanket. lol I sleep with it under my head on those nights and oddly enough, I feel better the next day. I know it is probably all in my head, but we all have our quirks.

The point is, I can understand hoarders to a point. But when you get to where you can't move around in your house...GET HELP! Start throwing stuff away. They call it spring cleaning. I hate clutter and I have a lot of it right now. My room gets smaller and smaller with every year that passes as I collect more stuff. But, most of what I collect are books and things that will eventually come in handy when I move out. It won't get to the point where I can't move around my room though. That is when I start giving stuff away.

Hoarders...they just need a little help and maybe a hard slap in the face by reality.

Much Love
Heather

New Hobby

I have started a new hobby. One that is pretty awesome and something I have always wanted to do. For Christmas my parents got me a set of throwing knives and a target board. I didn't start throwing until this week.

The only reason I started throwing is because I was so frustrated about my speeding ticket that I got. It's funny, I love my throwing knives. But I was so not good at it! My brother had to show me that you have to throw by the sharp end and not the handle. Everyone should know that right? HAHA!  Then my dad had to show me how to throw it properly...past the whole handle/blade thing.

But after the couple of hours that I have spend practicing I have gotten so much better! I'm not getting the bullseye yet but, every once in while I will. One day I will be one of those awesome chicks that can throw knives and hit it spot on. Yeah, lets think Underworld.

As you can see from the picture...the wall has taken a beating from the knives. I am getting better though! I will update you another day. I am going to be awesome at this soon.

Much Love
Heather